How Healthy is Your Relationship?
The Townsend Relationship Coaching Program
Have you ever felt emotionally worn out in your marriage?
Maybe one or both of you have threatened to end it. Or, if you
haven't said it, maybe you have thought seriously about it. The
problem is you still have strong feelings for each other, but
you are starting to wonder if your marriage is simply
"not meant to be."
The Traditional Approaches to Fixing a Marriage
You may have tried a variety of fixes. First, you probably tried talking to your spouse about changing his or her behavior only to see a couple of weeks of change before returning to old ways. Maybe you've talked to your church leaders, counselors, friends, or others about how to fix your marriage. Perhaps you've read some self-help books, watched Dr. Phil, or listened to Dr. Laura. You may have even tried marriage therapy a time or two.
If this sounds like your approach to improving your marriage, then you have come to the right place. One of the reasons that typical approaches to improving marriages tend to fail is because couples don't focus on the root issue.
You see, most marriages are STARVED, meaning that virtually every marriage struggles at one time or another with the same seven unmet needs.
What Is the Health of Your Marriage?
Answer the questions below to determine the health of your marriage. You can see if you are fully satisfied in your relationship or if you are experiencing symptoms of starvation:
S Safety - Do you feel safe with your spouse? Do they feel safe with you? We're talking physically, financially, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually safe?
T Trust - Do you feel trusted by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your trust?
A Appreciated - Do you feel appreciated by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your appreciation?
R Respect - Do you feel respected by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your respect?
V Valued - Do you feel valued by your spouse? Does your spouse feel valued?
E Encouragement - Do you feel encouraged by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your encouragement?
D Dedication - Do you feel dedication from your spouse? Does your spouse feel your dedication?
Most Marriages, at One Time or Another, Are STARVED
If you answered NO to two or more of these questions, your marriage is showing signs of starvation—meaning that you or your partner are lacking some very basic needs, including feeling mutual safety, trust, appreciation, respect, validation, encouragement, and dedication. But don't worry, not all is lost.
Most marriages at one time or another are STARVED.
As a STARVED couple, you probably suffer stress consistently about money, ineffective communication, lack of understanding, children, sex, work schedules, home chores, in-laws, etc. etc. etc.
Consider this fact: Being STARVED is the leading cause of every marital issue. For example, when you argue about money, the real issue is more likely to be an issue of trust or safety. When you argue about sex, you may really be trying to say that you want to be appreciated and validated.
Townsend Relationship Center can help you learn how to feed, nourish, and grow a healthy, thriving marriage by teaching you how to build solutions around the real issues.
Our goal at Townsend Relationship Center is to help you dramatically improve the condition of your relationships, whatever they are. With extensive experience in the process of relating, our coaches help you customize solutions and skills that meet both you and your partner's relationship needs.
We show you ways to improve your responses and remove the obstacles that keep you from creating the relationship you want. Our approach is to understand the dynamics of your relationship and, in collaboration with you, create new solutions and teach new skills that can be practiced in your marriage.
We hold you accountable for the results you get, oppose your ineffective patterns, and continue to encourage each of you to higher and higher levels of relating.
The role of a coach is really multi-faceted. Some of the most obvious parts of these:
1. Motivator- When you're not quite sure you can take it any longer, we're there to reassure, encourage, and urge you on to a better relationship.
2. Visionary- We have a solid vision of what makes healthy, long-term relationships. Our processes enable you and your spouse to connect or reconnect to a vision that lifts you to entirely new levels of relating.
3. Counselor- We see the mind as the greatest tool to an effective relationship, but it is also the greatest impediment. Our job is to help you understand your basic needs and conquer your ineffective thinking.
4. Conditioning Expert- Most things are easier once you're conditioned to deal with it. We train you and drill you to handle even the most difficult relationship issues.
5. Communications Expert- We help you design new communication approaches to use in your relationship. We also evaluate the success of your current strategies and give you added tools to meet the needs of your relationship.
6. Provider of Support-We stand by your side as you surface issues and concerns that are usually at the core of the problem. We help you gain confidence as you go through this process of lifting your relationship to a new level.
7. Source of accountability- We call you on your excuses and hold you accountable to change, thereby decreasing the promise of change that never comes to fruition.
All great changes come when we find a solution that works and most importantly, when we begin to diligently work toward the solution.
Townsend Relationship Center can help you find the solution you have been looking for! There is a difference between our marriage coaches and typical marriage therapists. That difference is our approach to change.
Our program at Townsend Relationship Center is not marriage therapy, it is relationship coaching.
1. We focus on solutions, not psychoanalysis.
We are here to help you solve your problems, not just talk about them. Although there is benefit to talking through your issues with your therapist, our goal is to help you both gain the skills you need to talk to each other.
2. We deliver skills, not speeches.
The last thing you need to hear is a lecture on what you're doing wrong. We believe that you already have a good idea of what you're doing wrong. So we focus on helping you practice the skills of communicating, managing negative emotion, and resolving conflict.
3. We help you fight for your marriage, not your differences.
We advocate for your marriage. We do not focus on your differences. We teach you how to appreciate your differences and use them to create mutually beneficial results in your relationships.
4. You gain new understanding about your partner, not just new labels.
All too often couples are diagnosed with clinical labels, giving both a name and an excuse for why one partner is pulling down the marriage. In coaching, we assume that both parties have some influence over creating the positive and the negative results in the marriage.
5. We help you focus on the future not the past.
We deeply believe that there is wisdom in the old adage, "When you live out of the past you are bound to that which is finite. When you live out of the future, you're bound to that which is infinite." We recognize that there is infinitely more potential in your future together than what you have had in your past. So we focus more time, skills and practice on creating the future you want together without paying undue attention to the past.
6. We see you as our partners, not our patients.
We may understand the basic principles and processes to effective relating, but you and your spouse are the experts on what is happening in your relationship. We don't see you as just someone to be diagnosed. We utilize the expertise of both partners to explore what is happening between the two of you and find new solutions to improve your conditions.
7. Our programs are not open-ended.
If you are willing to learn, we guarantee to teach how to decrease conflict and improve your relationship in your marriage. If we sense there are other issues that need to be addressed in greater depth, we will refer you to a specialist in that field.
8. We can have success even if just one party wants to work on the marriage.
Although most believe that it takes two people to make a happy and successful marriage, we found that is not always the case. If one person can single-handedly destroy a marriage, then isn't it possible that one person can single-handedly improve the marriage as well?
We've seen it happen with dozens of couples. Now obviously at some point we want your partner to learn how to communicate and improve the marriage as well, but we have to start somewhere. Remember that "Two heads are better than one, but one head is better than none."
If, for whatever reason, your partner is unwilling to get help on the marriage, call us and we'll help you build a plan to work on the marriage.
9. We understand that speed is of the essence.
When it comes to marriage relationship problems, we know that couples need to make progress quickly in order to feel motivated to continue. We leverage momentum in our sessions to get immediate results with the skills you learn, and then teach you to create the same kind of results long term.
10. Marriage Coaching empowers couples.
Our motto is "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime." We know that unless we truly empower couples with the skills, tools and habits of effective relating, then the relationship will constantly be strained and STARVED. Our approach is designed to help you and your partner feed your marriage, not only while you are in our office, but throughout the rest of your life.
Townsend Relationship Center is all about education.
We want you to learn what you need to know to be able to change the present course of your relationship. We want to teach you specific skills that will help you communicate more effectively. This is how we help you improve your marriage.
So, how do you get started? There are three options, depending on your needs and level of commitment:
Maybe one or both of you have threatened to end it. Or, if you
haven't said it, maybe you have thought seriously about it. The
problem is you still have strong feelings for each other, but
you are starting to wonder if your marriage is simply
"not meant to be."
The Traditional Approaches to Fixing a Marriage
You may have tried a variety of fixes. First, you probably tried talking to your spouse about changing his or her behavior only to see a couple of weeks of change before returning to old ways. Maybe you've talked to your church leaders, counselors, friends, or others about how to fix your marriage. Perhaps you've read some self-help books, watched Dr. Phil, or listened to Dr. Laura. You may have even tried marriage therapy a time or two.
If this sounds like your approach to improving your marriage, then you have come to the right place. One of the reasons that typical approaches to improving marriages tend to fail is because couples don't focus on the root issue.
You see, most marriages are STARVED, meaning that virtually every marriage struggles at one time or another with the same seven unmet needs.
What Is the Health of Your Marriage?
Answer the questions below to determine the health of your marriage. You can see if you are fully satisfied in your relationship or if you are experiencing symptoms of starvation:
S Safety - Do you feel safe with your spouse? Do they feel safe with you? We're talking physically, financially, socially, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually safe?
T Trust - Do you feel trusted by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your trust?
A Appreciated - Do you feel appreciated by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your appreciation?
R Respect - Do you feel respected by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your respect?
V Valued - Do you feel valued by your spouse? Does your spouse feel valued?
E Encouragement - Do you feel encouraged by your spouse? Does your spouse feel your encouragement?
D Dedication - Do you feel dedication from your spouse? Does your spouse feel your dedication?
Most Marriages, at One Time or Another, Are STARVED
If you answered NO to two or more of these questions, your marriage is showing signs of starvation—meaning that you or your partner are lacking some very basic needs, including feeling mutual safety, trust, appreciation, respect, validation, encouragement, and dedication. But don't worry, not all is lost.
Most marriages at one time or another are STARVED.
As a STARVED couple, you probably suffer stress consistently about money, ineffective communication, lack of understanding, children, sex, work schedules, home chores, in-laws, etc. etc. etc.
Consider this fact: Being STARVED is the leading cause of every marital issue. For example, when you argue about money, the real issue is more likely to be an issue of trust or safety. When you argue about sex, you may really be trying to say that you want to be appreciated and validated.
Townsend Relationship Center can help you learn how to feed, nourish, and grow a healthy, thriving marriage by teaching you how to build solutions around the real issues.
Our goal at Townsend Relationship Center is to help you dramatically improve the condition of your relationships, whatever they are. With extensive experience in the process of relating, our coaches help you customize solutions and skills that meet both you and your partner's relationship needs.
We show you ways to improve your responses and remove the obstacles that keep you from creating the relationship you want. Our approach is to understand the dynamics of your relationship and, in collaboration with you, create new solutions and teach new skills that can be practiced in your marriage.
We hold you accountable for the results you get, oppose your ineffective patterns, and continue to encourage each of you to higher and higher levels of relating.
The role of a coach is really multi-faceted. Some of the most obvious parts of these:
1. Motivator- When you're not quite sure you can take it any longer, we're there to reassure, encourage, and urge you on to a better relationship.
2. Visionary- We have a solid vision of what makes healthy, long-term relationships. Our processes enable you and your spouse to connect or reconnect to a vision that lifts you to entirely new levels of relating.
3. Counselor- We see the mind as the greatest tool to an effective relationship, but it is also the greatest impediment. Our job is to help you understand your basic needs and conquer your ineffective thinking.
4. Conditioning Expert- Most things are easier once you're conditioned to deal with it. We train you and drill you to handle even the most difficult relationship issues.
5. Communications Expert- We help you design new communication approaches to use in your relationship. We also evaluate the success of your current strategies and give you added tools to meet the needs of your relationship.
6. Provider of Support-We stand by your side as you surface issues and concerns that are usually at the core of the problem. We help you gain confidence as you go through this process of lifting your relationship to a new level.
7. Source of accountability- We call you on your excuses and hold you accountable to change, thereby decreasing the promise of change that never comes to fruition.
All great changes come when we find a solution that works and most importantly, when we begin to diligently work toward the solution.
Townsend Relationship Center can help you find the solution you have been looking for! There is a difference between our marriage coaches and typical marriage therapists. That difference is our approach to change.
Our program at Townsend Relationship Center is not marriage therapy, it is relationship coaching.
1. We focus on solutions, not psychoanalysis.
We are here to help you solve your problems, not just talk about them. Although there is benefit to talking through your issues with your therapist, our goal is to help you both gain the skills you need to talk to each other.
2. We deliver skills, not speeches.
The last thing you need to hear is a lecture on what you're doing wrong. We believe that you already have a good idea of what you're doing wrong. So we focus on helping you practice the skills of communicating, managing negative emotion, and resolving conflict.
3. We help you fight for your marriage, not your differences.
We advocate for your marriage. We do not focus on your differences. We teach you how to appreciate your differences and use them to create mutually beneficial results in your relationships.
4. You gain new understanding about your partner, not just new labels.
All too often couples are diagnosed with clinical labels, giving both a name and an excuse for why one partner is pulling down the marriage. In coaching, we assume that both parties have some influence over creating the positive and the negative results in the marriage.
5. We help you focus on the future not the past.
We deeply believe that there is wisdom in the old adage, "When you live out of the past you are bound to that which is finite. When you live out of the future, you're bound to that which is infinite." We recognize that there is infinitely more potential in your future together than what you have had in your past. So we focus more time, skills and practice on creating the future you want together without paying undue attention to the past.
6. We see you as our partners, not our patients.
We may understand the basic principles and processes to effective relating, but you and your spouse are the experts on what is happening in your relationship. We don't see you as just someone to be diagnosed. We utilize the expertise of both partners to explore what is happening between the two of you and find new solutions to improve your conditions.
7. Our programs are not open-ended.
If you are willing to learn, we guarantee to teach how to decrease conflict and improve your relationship in your marriage. If we sense there are other issues that need to be addressed in greater depth, we will refer you to a specialist in that field.
8. We can have success even if just one party wants to work on the marriage.
Although most believe that it takes two people to make a happy and successful marriage, we found that is not always the case. If one person can single-handedly destroy a marriage, then isn't it possible that one person can single-handedly improve the marriage as well?
We've seen it happen with dozens of couples. Now obviously at some point we want your partner to learn how to communicate and improve the marriage as well, but we have to start somewhere. Remember that "Two heads are better than one, but one head is better than none."
If, for whatever reason, your partner is unwilling to get help on the marriage, call us and we'll help you build a plan to work on the marriage.
9. We understand that speed is of the essence.
When it comes to marriage relationship problems, we know that couples need to make progress quickly in order to feel motivated to continue. We leverage momentum in our sessions to get immediate results with the skills you learn, and then teach you to create the same kind of results long term.
10. Marriage Coaching empowers couples.
Our motto is "Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, feed him for a lifetime." We know that unless we truly empower couples with the skills, tools and habits of effective relating, then the relationship will constantly be strained and STARVED. Our approach is designed to help you and your partner feed your marriage, not only while you are in our office, but throughout the rest of your life.
Townsend Relationship Center is all about education.
We want you to learn what you need to know to be able to change the present course of your relationship. We want to teach you specific skills that will help you communicate more effectively. This is how we help you improve your marriage.
So, how do you get started? There are three options, depending on your needs and level of commitment:
1. Do nothing and continue to ride the roller coaster of the STARVED
marriage.
2. Take advantage of these following free offers to feed your marriage:
o Fill out the "Can My Marriage Be Improved?" questionnaire.
o Set up a consultation with a Townsend Relationship Center relationship
coach. This free 20-minute consultation includes detailed, hands-on
relationship assessment with your coach. (Your consultation will remain
completely confidential)
o Sign up (right side of this page) to receive regular updates from Matt
Townsend when he posts articles, insights and ideas on how to improve
your marriage and close relationships.
3. Take action now by purchasing the "Feeding the STARVED Marriage"
Home Study program. The home study program give you a step-by-step
process in which you'll learn the necessary skills, and have worksheets and
plenty of examples to assist you in putting the skills into action to improve
the relationships that matter most in your life. The boot camp package
includes:
o "Feeding the STARVED Marriage" DVD set is our complete workshop
contained on 12 discs.
o Two 100-page workbooks full of step-by-step instruction and examples
to enable you to learn and implement the skills to happy and healthy
relationships.
o "Feeding the STARVED Marriage" CD set is an abridged version of the
workshop on 6 audio CD's with a condensed workbook. This is an
excellent resource that you can listen to in your car or on your iPod to
reinforce and anchor the most important concepts for for improving
and strengthening relationships.
marriage.
2. Take advantage of these following free offers to feed your marriage:
o Fill out the "Can My Marriage Be Improved?" questionnaire.
o Set up a consultation with a Townsend Relationship Center relationship
coach. This free 20-minute consultation includes detailed, hands-on
relationship assessment with your coach. (Your consultation will remain
completely confidential)
o Sign up (right side of this page) to receive regular updates from Matt
Townsend when he posts articles, insights and ideas on how to improve
your marriage and close relationships.
3. Take action now by purchasing the "Feeding the STARVED Marriage"
Home Study program. The home study program give you a step-by-step
process in which you'll learn the necessary skills, and have worksheets and
plenty of examples to assist you in putting the skills into action to improve
the relationships that matter most in your life. The boot camp package
includes:
o "Feeding the STARVED Marriage" DVD set is our complete workshop
contained on 12 discs.
o Two 100-page workbooks full of step-by-step instruction and examples
to enable you to learn and implement the skills to happy and healthy
relationships.
o "Feeding the STARVED Marriage" CD set is an abridged version of the
workshop on 6 audio CD's with a condensed workbook. This is an
excellent resource that you can listen to in your car or on your iPod to
reinforce and anchor the most important concepts for for improving
and strengthening relationships.
© Copywrite 2009 The Townsend Relationship Center 8751 S. Sandy Parkway Sandy, UT 84070 801-747-2121
Yes! I would like to continue learning how to improve the quality of all of my relationships.
